We fall asleep. Sometimes she is in my arms but in the end we divide and take up lonely positions. The dawn brings the reality streaming in, the traffic starting to drone into one morning herd. "I did it because I wanted to see why we were together and if I was just a symbol to you, that’s why it happened like that." In my own mind it is slightly less clear, though this seems like it actually might be true. "You mean you did bad sex on purpose?" "Yes, but if it's any consolation I didn’t enjoy it to the extent that it appeared, in fact it was just as bad for me, plus the fact that men have to perform." "Hmm" she says, after a brief deliberation, already with her professional mind dusted off for work; "so I’ll try it with someone else," she says, casting me aside like a worn Duracell bunny. The message is loud and clear – there are many other contenders for this honey pot and it might be time for a reshuffle. But I am also in a philosophical mood about it. It started with bad sex, so. I took you in my hand and guided you to the place that screams of my womanhood and desires. I eased you inside of me, allowing myself to relish in every millisecond. I felt as my walls closed in on you, feeling every slow second of you entering me and the pulsating need you were conveying. I part your lips with my tongue as the water is pouring on our face and body. Our tongues dance in our saliva and in the rain water taking us in its embrace. I have never wanted anything so much in my life and for the first time I felt true pain. I felt a distinctive pain. I was aware of an honest knowledge, and an innate reasoning, a comprehension that what I want is too precious to ever be ever be owned. Like an untamed and wild white horse that was meant to remain free, that you had the privilege of capturing a part of, or was allowed to be seen, but would never belong to you, that you would spend a lifetime feeling sorrow if you broke that part in which was so beautiful to you, yet everything.
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